I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
