seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
