We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
