I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
be right there i have to get my cape
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
