Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
