I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
