if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
