i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
