i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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