If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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