I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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