ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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