Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
