I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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