"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
