Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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