Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
