Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
