I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
