god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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