you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
