You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
