I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
