The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
