So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
