I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
