Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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