I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
