then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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