Porn is love you can see.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
