:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
