So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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