whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
