dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
