every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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