awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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