She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Someone came in the potted fern
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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