Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
