I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
