So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
