I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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