Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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