But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
