I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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