xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
