You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
