the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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