i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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