She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
