I have demons in me.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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