My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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