He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
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