The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
