This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
