Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
how drunk are you?
Several
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
