For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
