you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
