I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
