No awkward lesbian experiences without me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
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