Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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