I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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