I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
